


Misbehavior of Troublesome Children

by catalyticGenesis



Series: Skaian Dreamers [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Elementary School, Humanstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-13
Updated: 2014-01-13
Packaged: 2018-01-08 13:43:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1133322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catalyticGenesis/pseuds/catalyticGenesis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Strider-Lalonde family has a meeting with the school's guidance counselor about their children's behavior.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Misbehavior of Troublesome Children

**Author's Note:**

> This is set in a timeframe that would leave the beta kids thirteen turning fourteen this year, so the dates are off from usual. They're all in kindergarten or second grade. This just gives a little background information, no other parts of the series are necessary to read beforehand.

November 2005. Skaia Elementary School’s Guidance Counselor Office.

“Do you know why we are having this family meeting?” The guidance counselor looked around the room, surveying the family. They had been brought in for a number of reasons, mostly pertaining to the children’s unusual behavior.

“You know why we’re here, so why should we tell you?” Rose asked. 

“We’re here ’cause you think we’re real messed up and need help.”

“Dave, we do not use the term ‘real messed up’ here. It is insulting to people who are actually ‘real messed up’, as you say it.”

“’Kay, we’re not being insulting. Got it.” Dave gave the counselor a thumbs up.

“Okay, now that we have their opinions, we have to talk, Mr. Strider and Mrs. Lalonde. Your children, all four of them, have been giving the teachers some…trouble.”

“I understand they’ve been giving you ‘trouble’, but would you care to elaborate on that? Trouble can mean many different things, and I don’t think it’s quite as bad as you’re implying.” Mrs. Lalonde looked over at the four kids in the office, urging them to shut up and be good for a while.

“Well, let’s see. To start off, Rose won’t do any of her work. She claims it to be ‘too easy’, and we can’t figure out any way to solve this without moving her up a grade. We’re not doing that, because that would be extremely traumatic to such a young child.”

“For one, she’s in kindergarten. For two, you can just give her second grade work. Bang, problem solved easy. Let’s see if we can get the rest just as easily.”

“Mr. Strider, please refrain from such outbursts in the future. Dave’s problems are much more significant, and we never even went over all of Rose’s problems. She has been involved in many physical disputes, more than can be easily solved with time-outs. For example, she has assaulted one of her classmates, Gamzee, far too many times. He’s currently having problems with his medication, and his behavior may be a bit erratic, but that gives her no right to pick on him.”

Rose puffed up like an angry cat, offended. “I wasn’t picking on him, he was bullying me! He started drawing all over my papers with his ugly crayons and stupid miracles and ugly face and wouldn’t go away, so I punched him in his stupid dumb face. He went away real fast, but he kept coming back and messing up my drawings. So I stabbed him with a pencil.” She smiled; she had definitely dealt with this the right way.

“This went on for quite a while, and only ended when the teacher stepped in and sat them in different corners of the room. Dave was applauding the whole time, and most of the class had joined in by the end. He’s a bit of a ringleader, and can get his classmates to do nearly anything. I believe Terezi’s eaten about twenty dollars in change by now, Jade is convinced she’s a dog and needs to lick people and sniff their behinds, Aradia has buried nearly all of the teacher’s personal items in her mud pit, and he convinces everyone that their teacher is any assortment of supernatural creatures each week. Do you know how many cloves of garlic, aluminum foil knives, tinfoil hats, waterlogged bibles, and chopsticks have been confiscated?”

“Ooh, lemme guess! Twenty-eight! Twenty-nine! Twenty-ten! Twenty-eleven? I don’t know, twenty-eleven’s the highest number I know.” Dave looked disappointed; he hadn’t guessed the right answer.

“And your second-graders are absolute terrors. Yes, they’re very smart, but too destructive. Roxy somehow managed to get into the security system, a serious lack of following directions. They were supposed to be going to PowerPoint, not our security system. She changed everyone’s passwords, and we were locked out of the computers for weeks on end. We’ve confiscated about eleven paperclips from her, all sharpened to a point. Do you have any idea how long it takes to sharpen those things? Her desk has been moved to the timeout corner permanently. It didn’t even dissuade her in the slightest bit! She just smiled and had an island party. Seriously. She actually brought in sand and sprinkled it all around her desk, brought an umbrella and a beach ball, and had a party in the middle of class. Dirk is not much better, but at least he’s no worse. He doesn’t do anything particularly notable, but he has messed with the electricity more than once. He shut the power off to one of the plugs in the room and brought the teacher over because Latula was about to stick a paper clip in the plug. She did, and did a fairly good job of faking electrocution. The teacher fainted from sheer terror, and they high-fived. They high-fived again when they learned the teacher had suffered a fairly serious injury and was too traumatized to ever come back to their class. They high-fived. They high-fived when they learned their teacher was hurt.”

“Look, honey, you’re putting far too much stress on yourself. We’ll work all of their problems out, and you don’t have to worry about it. Now, let’s leave so Mrs. Whatevehernameis can get on with her day. Come on, kiddos.” Mrs. Lalonde hurried everyone out into the hallway.

“Daaaave! You’re here too! I think we all got in trouble, ’cause e’ryone’s here!” Terezi rushed over to Dave, and the two just kept talking.

Mrs. Lalonde looked over to her husband for the however long they needed to be ‘together’ to keep their family situation stable and sighed. “Parent-teacher conferences must be hell for the staff.”


End file.
